Dear Cynthia,

How do I flirt with a co-worker during office hours?

Curious!

Ah, the office romance. Considering the incredible amount of hours we currently spend at work, it shouldn't be surprising that the seeds of romance are often planted there. But how do you cultivate lovely flowers instead of nasty weeds?

The first step in flirting inside the office (or outside it for that matter) is to learn how to do it well. That may sound like an obvious statement but I'm consistently astounded at some people's flirting technique. Those who are unsuccessful are clunky, awkward and have no sense of sending out or receiving body language cues.

So what makes a good flirter, you ask? I think the best flirters are subtle charmers who have a good sense of timing, humour and charisma. These are all qualities that can help massage relationships in a variety of situations so they are skills worth cultivating.

There are a number of books and workshops on this in case you want to brush up on your skills but I think the best way to develop your inner flirt is to listen, observe, and be playful and confident. Keep in mind that there is a delicate line between confident and annoying.

I asked flirter extraordinaire and dating coach "Cajun" from the infamous "Love Systems" if he had any specific advice regarding flirting in the workplace and here's what he said:

"You want to keep the romance and drama out of the workplace if at all possible. That's not to say that mild flirting and playful behavior is off limits, but anything beyond that should be saved for once you leave the office. If you sense that there's a mutual attraction then invite her out on friendly terms and make your moves then. If not, you may have to take advantage of lunches, office parties and group events to engage in flirtatious behavior. Having said that, if you value your job I would strongly advise against engaging in anything of a casual nature with co-workers, unless you're Burt Reynolds."

Going on the assumption that you're not Burt Reynolds, I agree that it's wise to tread cautiously when doing interoffice mingling.

You may also want to consider your company's corporate policy on flirting and dating others within the company as some places have serious rules regarding this, especially if there is a working relationship where one of you is subordinate to the other.

Here are some absolute don't's:

• Don't wait for the company party when you're three sheets to the wind to strike up a conversation with the object of your desire.

• Don't become known as one of those guys who flirts with every single gal who works in the building.

• Don't push your luck. If you've tried sending out smoke signals and there's no plane on the horizon, go build your fire somewhere else.

I hope that helps!

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Dear Cynthia: How do I flirt with a co-worker during office hours?

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