After playing hockey since he was a small child, Jesse Kortuem walked away from the sport at 17. Growing up in a hyper-masculine environment where derogatory language is thrown around in the locker room, the athlete didn’t think he could be himself and play hockey at the same time.
“Being around hockey when you’ve played it your entire life, it’s home for you,” Kortuem told CTV News. “In so many ways, it was home, but it didn’t feel safe for so many years.”
The Minnesotan eventually played for adult leagues in New York City and Atlanta, but he still felt he needed to hide the fact he is gay.
That all changed when he met the Cutting Edges, Vancouver’s 2SLGBTQIA+ hockey association, in 2017. He says the team “adopted” him and he joined them for tournaments around North America while still playing closeted at home.
“It just provided that outlet, that safe space to finally play a sport that I love, but then I could bring 110 per cent of myself into the rink every single time and not have to worry about editing myself or feeling that I couldn’t be my full self there,” Kortuem said.
It was a Winter Classic tournament with Cutting Edges in Sun Peaks, B.C., earlier this month—along with the debut of gay hockey romance series Heated Rivalry—that brought everything to a head. Kortuem was ready to be out, not just to friends, family and teammates, but to the world.
“I called (my Cutting Edges teammate) after the games and was sitting in a hot tub, and I just said, ‘Jim, like I am just so happy with where I am and having you and having found my tribe. I feel like I just need to finally release this pain and everything that I’ve been carrying for all of these years,’” he recalled.
“In just a moment of gratitude to recognize them, to recognize those that came before me, and hopefully pave that way to make it a better, safer sport for those behind me.”
Kortuem crafted a heartfelt coming out post on Facebook, detailing his struggles to reconcile two parts of himself and how he had finally found peace. He thanked Cutting Edges for bridging the gap between the queer community and the sport, and credited Heated Rivalry for making him realize it was time to tell his story.
The post has garnered thousands of likes and hundreds of comments and shares. Heated Rivalry co-star, B.C.’s own Hudson Williams, even delivered him a video message when Kortuem appeared on the Drew Barrymore Show earlier this week.
“For myself and other people in the gay hockey world, (Heated Rivalry) really stirred up a lot of emotions for ourselves and some traumas as well,” Kortuem said of the Crave show. “It finally clicked in me that I kind of had to step up and be the role model that I never had when I was that kid struggling back in the day. Visibility matters; representation matters.”
Kortuem, who admits he’s a private person, says the huge response to his coming out story has been overwhelming, but mostly in a positive way. It’s given him hope for the future, that it could get easier for people to be open and accept themselves.
“It’s finally time to break down those barriers totally,” he said.
Kortuem acknowledged he’s not the first to “make some cracks in the ice,” referring to professionals Brock McGillis of the OHL and Luke Prokop of the AHL—no NHL athlete, current or former, has ever come out as gay—for being among the first male hockey players to speak publicly about their sexuality. “I’m standing on their shoulders,” he says.
But Kortuem hopes even his story as a “beer league recreational playing hockey guy” can resonate with a young player who might be being bullied by his teammates, or help coaches think about the language they use on and off the ice, or encourage hockey parents to have the “tough conversations” with their sons about inclusivity.
“If my message can do that, mission accomplished. And if it’s one kid reaching out to me to say that (my) story gave him the courage to have that conversation with his family, and he was accepted and loved, mission accomplished.”
CTV News, Crave and CP24 are owned by Bell Media, which is a division of BCE.
