Most grandparents are happy to look after their grandchildren for a night or two while mom and dad get a break, but what if grandma and grandpa are the primary caregivers for little ones during the day?
The question of whether grandparents should be paid to provide full-time care can be fraught with emotion, but Kathy Buckworth, author and “Go-To Grandma”, told CTV Your Morning Ottawa on Monday it’s something to consider.
“We are talking about full-time daycare, Monday to Friday, 8 to 6 or whatever the hours are that the parents need for work,” Buckworth says. “Honestly, a lot of grandparents like myself are still working. So, if we’re going to give up a full-time job when we still require an income as well, I think it’s a reasonable request.”
Having grandparents look after the kids during the day can have its advantages, she says.
“What the parents are getting is daycare they can trust, maybe the pickups and the drop-offs are a little bit easier, maybe the grandparents are coming to your house,” Buckworth says.
It can also be financially beneficial to both parties, though it must be handled carefully.
“Another thing to consider is that if you’re paying childcare expenses to your parents to watch the kids, you can claim that childcare expense. You cannot claim a childcare expense if it’s a spouse or the parent of the child, but a grandparent is eligible for childcare expense,” says Buckworth. “Now, the grandparent also has to declare the income for that to work, so you have to watch that as well because you might be on a package from retiring. You don’t want that to impact your tax level as well, so those are the logistics around sorting that out.”
There are important questions to ask, however, before heading into such an agreement.
“Can the relationship withstand the grandparents saying, ‘Yeah, I’ll do that for you, but write me a cheque.’ That can be a tricky one. So, I think those discussions have to happen well before the childcare is required. It’s almost from pregnancy, but that’s when we start planning for childcare, as parents,” she says.
“The other more complicated part of this, too, is what about the other set of grandparents? That’s a conversation that has to happen as well.”
If you do decide to have grandparents provide primary care, work out the rules in advance.
“You have to be prepared for some of those grandparent rules to kick in because they’re going to have a really big part of raising those kids. You’re going to have to have negotiations about screen time, going outside, naptimes, etc. I think that can be a tricky conversation to have,” says Buckworth.
“We also have to consider if the grandparents do full-time care mentally and physically? You want to make sure that your parents are physically able to do it,” she says.
“Have the discussion, protect the relationship with the kids and the grandkids first and hopefully you can come to a conclusion.”
Ultimately, it’s up to mom and dad to decide who looks after their kids when they cannot, but Buckworth says involving grandparents has its advantages.
“The advantages are carrying on a lot of family traditions, you’re showing them the same love you showed to your kids, you follow a lot of the same rules,” she says. “My grandkids love to see pictures of their mom as a little girl, so I bring those over often.”
