For many separated couples, the idea of co-parenting might mean getting along with an ex, but one expert says that’s not the point.
Instead, the focus should be on consistency, reliability and clear communication.
“A lot of times, it’s almost like that co-worker that you don’t get along with, but you know, you have to get stuff done,” parenting expert Vivian Meraki said in an interview with CTV Your Morning Monday. “That’s really what being a good co-parent is all about … working collaboratively to get things done with your co-parent.”
Meraki said for children, separation can bring uncertainty and fear — not just about what’s happening, but what comes next.
“They’re worried about who’s going to take care of me, what’s going to happen, what’s going to change,” she said, adding that those concerns are best addressed through ongoing conversations.
“It’s not just one big conversation, but these micro-moments when you when you can reassure them as you go along through the change as a family,” Meraki said.
She also framed divorce as a form of loss and grief for children, and recommended what she called the “four Cs” to guide conversations:
- Cause — they didn’t cause the separation and it’s not their fault
- Care — they will continue to be taken care of
- Cure — it’s an adult problem they can’t fix
- Catch — the loss doesn’t mean everything else in their lives will fall apart
“I think that’s really where communicating is the best way, and doing it earlier, rather than later,” Meraki said, adding that divorce proceedings themselves can also make co-parenting more difficult, particularly when approached as a battle.
“A lot of times, families are going through divorce from a litigation perspective, which really pits people against each other. It’s about winning and losing,” she said. “But the problem with winning and losing is that for someone to win, someone has to lose, and children end up being kind of like downstream of that.”
Ultimately, Meraki said successful co-parenting depends on approaching decisions with a shared goal in mind.
“If both people are approaching it from the perspective of collaboration and curiosity and openness, to hear each other out, to find a common ground so that the children can thrive, that is far better.”
