Your Honour,
Although the impact felt by us as a family over the loss of Stefanie does not change regardless of who is being sentenced, there are specific sentiments tied to D. alone that I want him to hear.
It is easier to forgive myself when it comes to Melissa Todorovic. Who could ever imagine that someone so seemingly normal could be so evil? Even with hindsight, it’s surreal.
However, D. brings with him a familiarity, a name spoken many times in our home, and not always in a negative light. Stefanie was a very kind, idealistic, forgiving girl who looked for the good in everyone. Despite her young age, or perhaps because of it, she believed she could help anyone be a better person just by caring—and at twelve years of age she did care about D. B., a puppy love crush that prompted her to wish we would reach out to D., bring him into our family so that he could share in the blessing of a loving, happy home life. Stefanie’s perception was that D. was from a dysfunctional family. She felt sorry for him, immediately forgave his temper and violent outbursts, and wished us to do the same.
From an outward appearance it may seem that D. did not have the same advantages in life as Melissa, yet many people have endured worse in their formative years and not grown up to commit heinous crimes. There is no excuse for cold-blooded murder. D. chose to kill Stefanie to secure his sex life.
More devastating than guilt is wanting to know every little detail of Stefanie’s last moments, and only D. knows the truth. I lie awake at night wondering if he spoke to her before he plunged in the knife, over and over. Did Stefanie beg him to stop, scream in pain, call my name? Did he just laugh at her and run? Did she know she was going to die?
One might think it impossible for anyone to be envious of a parent who has the horrendous experience of watching video surveillance of their child’s murder, but I am. Not knowing creates a constant nightmare of imagined scenarios that plague me incessantly.
Family and friends wonder how we go on after losing a child to murder. Personally, I now excel at compartmentalizing. My beautiful Stefanie has been reduced to something as pathetic as a mere box on a shelf, a box I dare not open because opening it is still too painful.
Waiting for the other shoe to drop never lets me be at ease. Though I try hard to hide this from the boys, I am aware that they, too, live with deep-seated fears. The other day, my six-year-old asked how long the two bad people who killed Stefanie would be in jail? I did my best to explain to him that it would be a long time, remembering that a year is an eternity to a six-year-old. He was relieved because, as he pointed out, Ian will soon turn 14 and he wanted to make sure that the bad people wouldn’t come and kill Ian too. If that wasn’t enough, he then expressed hope that he would see his own 16th birthday.
Each and every one of us has been severely impacted by Stefanie’s murder, but none more than her brothers. Stefanie was fantastically unique, funny, compassionate, empathetic, warm and forgiving, but all they remember is the horror of January 1st, 2008 and worry that they might be next.
